


We're Damned After All

by 0loveisasong0



Series: Give Them Blood [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Hospitals, Illnesses, Injury, M/M, Smoking, Vampire Turning, Vampires, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0loveisasong0/pseuds/0loveisasong0
Summary: Sure Vampires are real, and sure both Frank and Mikey are ones, but beside that, Frank’s life has really been looking up. He spends almost every night in the arms of the same man who used to sit at the bar he used to work with, and him and Ray just moved into a newer, better apartment. Not to mention he doesn’t work at that shitty bar anymore. But would it really be Frank’s life if something astronomically bad didn’t happen?
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Ray Toro/Mikey Way
Series: Give Them Blood [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865632
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

“That’s it, that’s the last box.” Ray said triumphantly once he lowered the cardboard box he’d been carrying onto the kitchen table and braced his hands on a nearby chair, catching his balance.  


“We’re all moved in?” Frank stood up from behind the kitchen counter where he had been kneeling, unpacking various pots and pans.  


“We’re all moved in.” Ray wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “I turned in our old keys and everything, we never have to go back there again.”  


Frank let out a small squeak of excitement and caught Ray in a hug. They’d been sleeping at the new place for a few days now, their mattresses being the first thing that was moved, but Frank was more than thrilled that he would never step foot in the old apartment again. “We’ve gotta celebrate! I’ll go get Mikey and Gee.” He said quickly, and was out the door only seconds later.  


By the next morning after Mikey suddenly got sick, he was completely fine, and nothing has happened since then. They all wrote it off as a freak incident, but decided to go on with the move as quickly as possible, again conflating closeness with the ability to keep everyone safe; Which Frank saw mostly as an excuse to share a bed with Gerard every night for the past three days. Frank knocked on the door and was greeted only with a “Come in!” yelled from the other side. Mikey was lounged on the couch, TV remote in his hand, idly flipping through the channels.  


“Taking a break so soon?” Gerard asked with a smirk as he emerged from the hallway.  


“Cute, no. We’re actually done, everything’s over there.” Frank gestured through the wall with his thumb. “It’s time to celebrate.”  


Gerard looped his arm around Frank’s waist and kissed his cheek. “I like celebrating.”  


“Good, come on.” Frank grabbed Gerard’s hand from his waist and started pulling him out the door. “You coming, Mikey?”  


“Yeah,” Mikey called back as he clicked off the TV. He was by their side and through the door in seconds, letting Frank and Gerard go ahead down the hall so he could lock the door and shake the handle, just to double check that it was actually locked.  


There were boxes strewn all around Frank and Ray’s apartment, piled in corners and on every open surface. They worked together to quickly clear them off the couches and chairs so at the very least they had places to sit. Once everything was moved, Ray fell into a chair quickly, out of breath and pale, but Frank brushed it off as being overworked from the days of moving.  


Recently they had fallen into a certain monotony, spending the nights between apartments, drinks in hands, TV on but no one actually watching. Frank was usually pressed as close to Gerard as possible, like any parts of their bodies that weren’t making contact would cause him physical pain. Mikey and Ray would steal fleeting glances and smiles at each other when they knew Frank and Gerard weren’t looking. As the evening progressed, Frank would start planting sloppy kisses on the side of Gerard’s face until the mix of tiredness and alcohol would lead him to bury his face against Gerard’s neck and let sleep take hold, if only for a few minutes. The only thing that differentiated tonight from last was Mikey and Ray eventually sneaking away so that Mikey could feed for the first time since he had gotten sick.  


Mikey was always comforted by how warm Ray was, the way his whole body made it feel like sleeping in a hug, safe and cozy. Tonight, Mikey found himself a little too hot when he snuggled up to Ray, but maybe they hadn’t turned their AC on yet, so Mikey just slid the window open to let in some of the cool evening air.  


The draft swept over Ray’s forehead, cooling the beads of sweat there and making his skin prick. He pressed a kiss to the back of Mikey’s head as he drank, trying to distract himself from the dizziness that was washing over him much quicker than usual. If he really wasn’t okay, he knew Mikey would stop the second Ray said anything was wrong, but after last time, he also knew that Mikey needed to drink more than ever, so he closed his eyes and counted the seconds. It was only another 123 seconds before Mikey moved Ray’s arm away from his mouth and began the process of bandaging.  


“Ray?” Mikey asked for the third time, but it was the first time Ray noticed.  


“Yeah?” Ray tilted his head and caught Mikey’s outstretched hand.  


“Are you okay? You’re more out of it than usually.” Mikey examined Ray’s hand in his, looking to see if anything looked off there, but it seemed fine.  


Ray smiled in a way that reassured Mikey. “I’m fine, really, just a little worn out from moving and work and everything. Come ‘ere.” He slid over on the bed again, making room for Mikey to curl back up against him.  


Less than three minutes after Mikey laid back down his stomach flipped. He waited a moment, hoping it would pass, but the sick feeling only grew. “Ray, I feel sick, again.” He sat bolt upright, already swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.  


“Do you need me to come with?” Ray sat up slowly as well, ready to follow.  


“No, get Gee.” Mikey said quickly before exiting the room.  


Ray heard the bathroom door click shut and he was already beginning to worry if it was the same as last time. He got out of bed as quickly as he could, but had to pause a moment at the door, balancing himself against the frame when the dizziness washed over him in a wave. As soon as it passed he went to the living room. Frank was already asleep against Gerard, but that wasn’t going to stop him. Ray shook Gerard’s shoulder and quickly whispered, “Mikey is sick again, he’s in the bathroom, he wants you.”  


Gerard carefully slid Frank off his lap, poor kid didn’t need any more nightmare fuel by being woken up roughly, and was off towards the bathroom. Before he made it to the hallway, he caught a glimpse from the corner of his eye of Ray gently waking Frank up and sitting on the couch with him, most likely explaining what was happening.  


The door was shut, but Gerard didn’t bother knocking, just pushed right into the bathroom to find his brother clutching the toilet, his head resting on one of his hands. “Mikey, what’s wrong, what’s happening?” Gerard lowered himself next to Mikey and began rubbing circles on his back. Mikey’s body convulsed as he began vomiting again, all Gerard could do was squeeze his eyes shut and rest his forehead on Mikey’s back and be there when it passes. His body was shaking so violently at this point Gerard was honestly worried he was going to hurt himself, but slowly, the retching stopped, and Mikey collapsed back into Gerard’s arms. He didn’t dare even look in the toilet, he knew what he would see and it wasn’t pretty. With a grimace he just lowered the lid, flushed it, and resumed cradling his brother until he completely stopped shaking.  


“Gee, I-” Mikey tried to say, but his voice was raw and he started coughing.  


“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Gerard brushed the hair off Mikey’s sweaty forehead. “We’re going to figure out what’s going on, you’ll be okay. We just have to figure it out.” He pulled his brother's head against his chest and took a moment, just a moment, to be scared, to close his eyes and pray to a god that he doesn’t believe in that his brother is going to be okay.  


Before Gerard could say anything more, there was a soft knock at the door, followed by Ray, in the smallest voice, asking, “Gee, is Mikey okay?”  


“Yeah,” Gerard brushed Mikey’s hair with his fingers, “he’s okay right now, but something is definitely wrong.”

\------ 

Once the initial wave of nausea had passed, Gerard and Ray helped Mikey to the living room. As much as they all just wanted to go to sleep at this point, this was no longer a one time thing, a fluke, this was something real they had to figure out, and to Gerard, that meant now. Ray had an arm protectively around Mikey, who was curled up against him. A small bucket was clutched tightly in Mikey’s hands in case he got sick again, but since he probably vomited everything out of his system, he was feeling marginally better.  


“Is there anything you did different today, or that happened today that is out of the ordinary?” Gerard was pacing nervously but stopped to speak, his hands resting on the back of the chair Frank was seated in.  


“I don’t know, I can’t think of anything.” Mikey fidgeted with the bucket.  


Gerard looked down nervously. He wished it was easy, that there would be a cut and dry answer so that he could just fix, make it all better, but it was never that simple. He started pacing again, because his brain wasn’t coming up with any ideas fast enough so he had to keep moving.  


“Could it be my fault?” Ray’s voice caught Gerard off guard. For the second time that night he sounded small and uneasy, something none of them were used to hearing. “Both times he’s gotten sick, it’s been right after feeding. It has to be me, right?”  


“No, Ray, that’s not- I know you’d never do anything to hurt me.” Mikey turned to look at his face. In just a glance, he caught a look on Ray’s face he had only over seen once before, the night in the hotel room. It was the look of raw openness and fear.  


“Not on purpose,” Gerard cut in. “What if it’s an accident, like something he ate or drank? I don’t know. We know juniper is dangerous for vampires, and garlic, and I know there’s more. Ray, have you eaten anything out of the ordinary recently?”  


“No, I swear. I make all my meals at home, and if there was anything bad for vampires in the house, I’d know, right? Because it would probably be making Frank sick too.” Ray began tapping his foot anxiously.  


The room fell back into silence again as they all tried to think of any possible reason for Mikey’s sudden sickness. The quiet in the room made it all the more noticeable when Mikey coughed, but there was nothing left in his stomach to throw up. Ray rubbed his back sympathetically, feeling worse now that he realized this was probably his fault.  


“Could you get me some water?” Mikey quietly asked Ray as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  


“Yeah, of course.” Ray stood quicker than he meant to, and the dizziness he had already been experiencing culminated and caused him to fall back onto the sofa, darkness crowding the corners of his vision and setting the room in motion.  


“Ray, are you okay?” Gerard placed his hand on Ray’s shoulder.  


It took a moment for Ray’s head to stop spinning. “Yeah, I’m good, sorry. I’ve just been feeling a little off for a few days, it’s fine.” He tried to stand again but Gerard wasn’t letting him up.  


Gerard pressed his palm to Ray’s forehead. “Jesus, Ray, fuck, you’re burning up.” He turned around. “Frank, do you have a thermometer?”  


“Yeah, I’ll get it.” Frank left down the hall in the direction of the bathroom, somewhere between a walk and a jog.  


“How long have you been feeling sick.” Gerard asked, pressing his fingers to the pulsepoint on the inside of Ray’s wrist and watching the second hand on his watch.  


“I don’t know… Since Monday?”  


“Ray, it’s Saturday.” Mikey said, scowling.  


“Here’s the thermometer.” Frank passed the thin white stick to Gerard, who immediately was sticking it in Ray’s mouth and watching the numbers flash in the display. It beeped twice, signifying it was ready, and Ray took it out of his own mouth to read it, blocking the view from the others.  


“103.1.” Ray said softly.  


“That’s really bad.” Mikey took the thermometer out of Ray’s hands to read the results for himself. It shook in Mikey’s hand and he had to use both to steady it enough to see what the display said. He set the thermometer on the coffee table and took one of Ray’s hands in his own. “You have to go to the hospital. We have to get you there, tonight, now.”  


“I’m sure I’ll be fine, I probably just need to get some rest. I’m worn out from working and moving.” Ray squeezed Mikey’s hand and smiled softly.  


“No,” Mikey was shaking his head quickly. “You’re always taking care of the rest of us, you have to let us take care of you too. You don’t get a fever from being over tired, that’s not how it works. Ray, please, let us take you to the hospital, for me.”  


“Not to mention you’re down like, half a liter of blood.” Frank added, tapping the inside of his own wrist, where the bandaids on Ray’s arm were carefully placed.  


“For the peace of mind.” Mikey pleaded, holding Ray’s hand to his chest now. He leaned in closer to whisper something just for Ray to hear. “For my peace of mind.”  


“Okay, fine.” Ray closed his eyes. “Damn, I was supposed to get a peaceful night of sleep in my new room tonight.”  


As much as Mikey tried to, Ray wouldn’t let him help as they made their way to the car, knowing Mikey wasn’t doing that much better than he was himself. Still, Mikey wouldn’t leave Ray’s side, sliding into the backseat with him and letting Frank sit passenger as Gerard drove.  


Frank knew the way to the hospital all too well at this point. His stomach churned nervously at just the thought of going back in that place. He hadn’t set foot in there since the car accident. The air always seemed a little too heavy and a little too cold for Frank’s liking, but in reality, his distaste came from how much time he had to spend there as a child. That didn’t matter right now, tonight wasn’t about him. Tonight was about his best friend shaking and weak in the backseat of a car.  


Gerard dropped off Mikey and Ray at the door so they could get in as soon as possible. The search for a parking spot began, and it took a few minutes for him to find one near the back of the lot. He killed the engine and rested his head on the steering wheel for a minute, just breathing. “Frankie, just, could you lie to me? Tell me everything is going to be okay. Tell me Mikey will be fine and Ray will get better.”  


“Gee,” Frank put his hand on Gerard’s back. “It will be okay, Mikey, Ray, everything will get better. That’s not a lie.” He didn’t know if it was true or not, but he was hoping right now he could will it to be.  


“Okay,” Gerard nodded, “okay. Let’s go in, they need us to be there.”  


Frank slid out of his seat and waited leaning against the door for Gerard to round the back of the car. They walked to the emergency room door hand in hand.  


Ray and Mikey were working on filling out the paperwork. There were only two other people in the whole waiting room: A girl clutching her wrist to her chest, and a man nervously drumming his fingers on the table next to him.  


“Hey,” Frank sat next to Ray, “how’s it going?”  


“Well enough,” Ray tapped his pen twice on the edge of the clipboard, “given the circumstances.”  


Frank just nodded and let Ray get back to checking boxes and circling various things on the forms.  


Gerard was fiddling with a magazine that he pulled from a stack on the table next to him. He was rolling and unrolling it, but never actually looking down. Nothing could get him to stop watching Ray and Mikey, making sure that they were both okay and that neither of them were taking a sudden turn for the worse. He didn’t want to miss any cues that they might give off.  


When Ray was finished filling out the form, Frank took it up to the front desk for him, not wanting him to fall over again in the middle of the ER waiting room. Although if there was a best place to faint, this would probably it, Frank thought. The lady at the desk was pleasant enough, she smiled and told Frank that someone would be out soon to see him. All there was left to do now was wait again. Frank’s stomach was getting tighter and tighter the longer he sat there, he hadn’t thought his nerves were going to get that bad from being here, but here he was.  


“Hey,” Gerard rested his hand on Frank’s knee when he noticed Frank had been staring off into space a little too long.  


“Hey,” Frank whispered back, covering Gerard’s hand with his own. There was a clock ticking somewhere nearby, but he couldn’t seem to locate it on any of the walls. It was taunting him, reminding him how much time was passing while they waited.  


“It’s gonna be okay.” Gerard’s voice was hushed. He lowered his head onto Frank’s shoulder, exhausted.  


“Yeah, I know,” Frank said, but really, he wasn’t so sure. He was used to bad things happening to him, not the people he loved, and Frank had to admit that he didn’t like it. He much preferred himself being the one hurt and sick.  


Out of the corner of his eye, Gerard noticed that Mikey and Ray were holding hands too. If the situation were anything else, he might have said something, but right now wasn’t exactly the time to bring it up. They were all sitting quietly, waiting for something, anything, to happen. Everytime the large double doors swung open, they all turned to look, but it was either people leaving or just nurses and doctors milling about.  


The doors swung open again, and this time a tired looking nurse came out holding a clipboard, she glanced over the room once before reading off the papers in her hands. “Ray Toro, you can come on back.”


	2. Chapter 2

It felt like hours had passed since they showed up to the emergency room and they were all starting to get restless. At one point Gerard made his way over to the vending machine and got them each a different flavor of energy drink, but Frank couldn’t really remember how long ago that happened. He shook the can again, even though it’s been empty for quite a while. In turns they each went out to smoke, not wanting to all go at once and miss a potential update on Ray, but so far, there had been none. Mikey was actively trying to fight off sleep, even though his head was laying in his brother’s lap, when the same nurse from before came out and immediately walked over to the group.  


“You guys can come back now.” She signaled for them to follow her.  


The rooms that lined the ER always made Frank uneasy, they were always dimmer than the rest of the hospital and he hated the floor to ceiling glass, no amount of curtains made it feel private. The nurse led them into the third room on the left, drawing the curtain just enough to let them pass, but letting it fall closed behind them.  


“Hi,” Ray nodded to them as they came in.  


Mikey was at his side in an instant. “Are you okay? How are you doing?” He held Ray’s hand up, looking nervously at the needle taped there.  


“I’m okay right now. We’re still waiting for test results to come back, but I’m not actively dying.” Ray laughed softly.  


Gerard looked nervously around the room, but the real panic didn’t set in until his eyes landed on the IV bag that Ray was hooked up to. “Uh, Mikey, Frank, are you two going to be okay here?”  


Frank was about to ask why until he caught onto what Gerard was looking at. “Blood.” He murmured without really meaning to.  


Mikey let go of Ray’s hand, suddenly needing space between himself and what was in that needle. His breaths were coming out ragged and he closed his eyes to try and concentrate on getting it back to normal. He had to be fine, he had to be fine for Ray.  


Gerard continued Frank’s train of thought. “A lot of it, and not just in here. We’re in a hospital, there’s people bleeding and bags of blood everywhere.”  


“I just-” Frank stopped when he backed up so much that he fell into a chair. He pulled his feet up onto the chair and hugged his legs against his chest.  


“Frankie?” Gerard turned around to look at him.  


“I’m fine, I just need to be over here, for Ray. It’s better this way, safer.” Frank dropped his forehead to his knees. He wanted so badly to be at his best friend’s side, comforting him, but he couldn’t do that. It had to be like this, he had to be over here, because if he was any closer he might become a danger for Ray. If he lost control while Ray was already in the hospital, already low on blood, he would never forgive himself.  


“Okay, okay.” Gerard sat in the chair next to Frank and held his hand. “I’m going to sit over here with you, if you need anything or need to leave, I’m right here.” Frank just nodded.  


“Mikey?” Ray looked up nervously, moving the hand Mikey had been holding to his chest.  


Mikey took one last deep breath and opened his eyes. Stepping closer so he was again by Ray’s side. “I’m okay. I’m right here Ray, and I’m not going anywhere.” He said, quiet enough so only Ray could hear.  


“Thank you.” Ray whispered back.  


Mikey pulled up a chair so he could sit next to the bed Ray was in. They all went back to the quiet waiting that they had been doing out in the waiting room, but this time it was better, because Ray was right there. Now they could all see for themselves that he was alive and okay.  


Eventually Frank calmed down a little, at least enough to relax and drop his head onto Gerard’s shoulder. The hunger in the pit of his stomach was still there, but he was no longer worried that he’d be a safety risk for Ray.  


The amount of waiting they had to do this night was driving them all a little crazy, but even in this situation, Gerard still believed it was better if they were all together. Safety in numbers and all that shit.  


Mikey decided that it was okay to sleep now, because if Ray needed him, he was within arms reach. He rested his forehead on the hard plastic sides of the hospital bed, trying his best to get comfortably enough to sleep, but it wasn’t happening. He readjusted for the fourth time and he felt Ray tap on his shoulder. Mikey looked up, blinking the grogginess out of his vision. “What is it? Are you okay, do you need something?”  


“No, come on,” Ray slid over in the bed, “It’s late, you’re tired, we can both fit in the bed.”  


“Is that allowed?” Mikey squinted.  


“I don’t know.” Ray smirked and shrugged. “But we’ll both sleep better that way.”  


“Fine,” Mikey grinned back and shook his head. He took Ray’s hand to help him climb up into the bed. It was kind of small for both of them, but that just meant Mikey had to press a little closer, tucking his face into the crook of Ray’s neck. 

\----- 

The doctor was a little shocked when he walked in to find two men folded together on the chairs against the wall, and even more surprised by the two men tangled together in the hospital bed meant for one. “Excuse me,” He cleared his throat.  


Mikey shot up first, almost falling off the bed doing so. He shook Ray’s shoulder to wake him up. It took a minute for Ray to realize Mikey wasn’t just waking him to talk but after a bit he noticed the doctor.  


“Oh, hi, sorry.” Ray pushed the hair off his face. “It was late and we all fell asleep.”  


While Ray was speaking, Mikey tried to slide out of the bed quietly, but his attempts failed because he didn’t notice that he miscalculated the distance to the floor until his foot hit the side of the plastic base of the bed and it echoed through the room. He whispered a quick, “sorry,” as he lowered himself back into the chair he’d pushed up next to the bed. Ray didn’t let go of Mikey’s hand the whole time.  


“Anyway,” the doctor looked down at his notes, “we got the first test results back, your white blood cell count is high, so there’s definitely an infection. We’ll have to take more blood to do a few more tests, but we can’t do that tonight.”  


“Why?” Frank cut in, not meaning to be disrespectful, really just too worried about Ray to stop himself.  


The doctor didn’t bother turning around, he just kept addressing Ray. “It would really help if you could tell me why you came in almost a liter down on blood.”  


Ray tightened his grip on Mikey’s hand. One of the first questions he had been asked when they started drawing blood was why his levels were already so low. It wasn’t like Ray could exactly tell the truth about the actual reason. Yeah, so my best friend is a vampire, you see, and well, he drinks my blood every few days, wasn’t exactly something you could just come out and tell a doctor, or really anyone for that matter. Instead of the truth, Ray initially told the doctors that the brain fog was so bad that he wasn’t sure and couldn’t quite remember, but the doctor could obviously tell that was complete and utter bullshit. He took a deep breath before saying, “We were finishing moving today, and when one of the dizzy spells hit I fell. I landed on something sharp,” he raised his arm to show the doctor that bandaids on his forearm, “It bled a lot more than I expected. I just didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want my friends to worry.”  


Mikey tried his best to feign shock and concern, like this was the first he was hearing of this, but he was so tired it probably wasn’t very convincing.  


The doctor still looked a little skeptical, but he accepted this answer as better than the first and carried on. “We can do those tests first thing in the morning. For, now you need to rest. We want to keep you overnight for observation since your fever really hasn’t gone down much. A nurse will be in to move you to your room soon.” The doctor looked over his sheet, making sure he said everything before he turned and exited, sliding the door shut behind him.  


“So,” Frank snickered, “you fell, and landed on the inside of your forearm, and lost nearly a liter of blood?”  


“Shut up!” Ray threw a pillow at Frank, but he was laughing too.  


Mikey pressed a finger carefully to the bandaids on Ray’s arm. He wasn’t finding it all that funny. He blamed himself, if he didn’t feed earlier, Ray would have had all his blood and they would have been able to do all the tests right away tonight, now he had to stay here, in this cold, sterile place, and not in his brand new bedroom. Worse than that, Mikey ended up throwing up all the blood anyway, which made Mikey feel extra shitty. So now neither of them had something they both needed. “Sorry,” He whispered.  


“Mikey,” Ray caught Mikey’s hand with his own. “This isn’t your fault. If it wasn’t for you getting sick, Gee would’ve never known I had a fever, and then you never would have taken me to the hospital.”  


“You should take better care of yourself,” Mikey said, looking up at Ray. “You spend so much time worrying about all of us. Ray, this could be really bad. You need to tell Frank or me or Gee when you’re not feeling well.”  


“Okay,” Ray kissed the back of Mikey’s hand, “I’ll try, I’ll do better, for you.”  


“It shouldn’t be for me, Ray.” Mikey sighed. “It should be for you. You should want to take care of yourself for you.”  


“I know, Mikey, I know, but it’s just not like that for me, okay? For now, just, let it be enough that I’ll do it for you.” They were both talking low so that Frank and Gerard couldn’t hear what they were saying. This was a moment just for them to share.  


“Let’s just focus on you getting better right now, okay?” Mikey took his turn to kiss the back of Ray’s hand.  


“Okay.” Ray agreed with a soft smile.  


It wasn’t much longer before a nurse came in, knocking first then pushing the curtains all the way open. It was a different one than before, he was tall and thin, with wiry black glasses perched high on his nose. He was pushing a wheelchair, and like everyone else Ray’s interacted with tonight, he was holding a clipboard. “Alright, Ray, time to move into your room.”  


Mikey helped Ray out of bed and into the wheelchair, barely able to convince his hands to let go of Ray’s before the nurse started pushing him out of the room and down the hall. The other three followed dumbly after, not knowing what else to do. There was a large elevator at the end of the hall, big enough that they all fit easily. Frank was visibly uncomfortable as they made their way through the floor of the building they got off on, and Gerard couldn’t help but wonder just how many days Frank had spent in the hospital throughout his life.  


Once Ray was set up in his room for the night, the nurse turned to the rest of the guys and said, “Hey, I’m really sorry, I know you’re worried about your friend, but visiting hours are over, and only one person is allowed to stay the night.” He looked sadly between the three men standing in front of him. “Technically only family is supposed to stay, but honestly, if one of you is like, his roommate, I can make an exception.”  


Frank was about to say something when he caught a glimpse of Mikey out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t even looking at the nurse as he spoke, he was off to the side, next to Ray, holding both of Ray’s hands in his own. What Frank noticed the most was the look on Mikey’s face, a mixture of pure love, caring, and fear. As much as Frank wanted to stay with Ray, to pay him back for the time Ray was there for him in the hospital, he couldn’t do that. Ray was his best friend, the person that was there for him the most, the person that turned his life around. The memory of Ray being there when Frank woke up from the car accident, smiling gently and loving, filled Frank’s mind. The memory of Ray checking in on Frank everyday in that shitty hotel. The memory of how happy Ray looked when they got their first apartment together, and again, earlier today when they finished moving into their second. He looked at Ray, and it broke his heart, but Frank wasn’t that person for Ray. Frank knew what he had to do. “He’s Ray’s roommate, he’s the one that should stay.” Frank said quickly, pointing at Mikey.  


“Alright, I’ll grab a cot, but when I get back you two have to head out.” The nurse gestured between Frank and Gerard before spinning on his heels and leaving.  


“Frank, I don’t get it,” Mikey started but Frank cut him off.  


“Mikey, can I talk to you in the hallway real quick?” Frank asked, but it was really more of a statement. Before Mikey even had a chance to answer, Frank was dragging him out of the room.  


“He’s your roommate Frank, you should be the one staying here. I’m just some kid from a comic store.” Mikey said quietly as soon as the door was shut behind them.  


“No,” Frank shook his head, “I see the way you look at each other. Yes, Ray is my best friend, but the friend that Ray is to me, you’re that to him. You’re his best friend.”  


“I can’t-” tears were beginning to form in Mikey’s eyes as he tried to find the words to say.  


“Don’t. Gee and I will take care of each other. We’ll be back as soon as visitation opens in the morning.” Frank grabbed Mikey’s wrist. “He needs you.”  


Mikey just nodded, completely at a loss for words. The only thought he could grasp onto was just one word, ‘grateful’, but to say that still wouldn’t be enough.  


Frank was about to turn the doorknob when Mikey grabbed his wrist, stilling his hand on the door. “Thank you, for,” Mikey gestured wildly with his free hand. Mikey didn’t have to finish his thought, Frank knew exactly what he was trying to say.  


Gerard raised an eyebrow at them as they came back into the room, but Frank just whispered, “I’ll tell you in the car,” as he passed by.  


The nurse came back quicker than any of them would have liked, hoping to get to spend a little more time together tonight. He set it up quickly right next to Ray’s bed and began ushering out Frank and Gerard just as Mikey curled up under the blankets, with just his hand reaching out so he could sleep holding Ray’s.  


The nurse escorted them all the way out, which Gerard was grateful for because he would have had no idea how to find the exit otherwise. A breeze brushed over their skin as soon as they exited the hospital doors, it was cool, but that didn’t bother either of them all that much.  


Frank lit a cigarette as Gerard started the car, then passed it to Gerard once they were out of the parking lot before lighting his own.  


“So,” Gerard exhaled a cloud of smoke, “why’d you say Mikey was Ray’s roommate?”  


Frank took a drag on his own cigarette before saying, “Those two are close, I saw the way Mikey was looking at Ray, the way they were talking to each other, holding hands. Ray might be my best friend, but Mikey is his. Ray needed Mikey tonight, not me.”  


“Sometimes I think they need each other in the same way that we do,” Gerard gave a sideways smile to Frank.  


“Yeah, maybe.” Frank sighed and looked out the window. “Will Mikey be alright tonight? All the blood and everything?”  


“He’s strong, he’ll be okay.” Gerard was looking straight ahead, fighting against the tiredness that was hitting him all at once. “I guess we know what made him sick.”  


“Yeah,” Frank looked down at his hands, “I thought infections were localized, though.”  


“We’ll know more tomorrow.” Gerard said softly.  


“I hope so.” Frank didn’t know what to say after that, so they fell into silence, the tiredness hitting them both in different ways. When Gerard parked the car, Frank turned to face him and said quietly, “Would you lie to me this time? Tell me my best friend is going to be okay. Tell me he still needs me as much as I need him.”  


“Frankie,” Gerard sighed and held his hand. “I don’t need to lie to you to say those things. Ray cares about you so fucking much, and he knows you care about him. It’s going to be okay. We’ll make sure of it, I promise. Let’s go inside, we both need sleep.”  


Frank let Gerard wrap his arm around his waist as they made their way up the stairs of the apartment. Anything to feel safe and close to someone right now was appreciated. They stopped in front of Gerard’s apartment door. “I don’t want to be alone tonight, my room is still full of boxes, and with Ray not there…” Frank trailed off.  


“Come on, you should know by now that you don’t have to ask to stay with me, we haven’t slept apart in weeks.” Gerard opened the door and pulled Frank with him.  


There was a drawer for Frank’s clothes in Gerard’s dresser, but he just kept sweatpants in there so that he always had an excuse to sleep in one of Gerard’s shirts. He couldn’t really explain it, but they were always somehow cozier and softer on his skin. Frank pressed himself against Gerard once they were both in bed. “Gee?” Frank asked into Gerard’s chest.  


“Yeah, Frankie?” Gerard stroked his hair.  


“I can’t lose my best friend.”  


“You won’t,” Gerard said, hoping Frank didn’t notice the shake in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much to everyone who has read part one of this story and is currently reading this part. I will be continuing to update it, but I will be moving at the end of this week and then starting Grad school, so my updates might be a little irregular for a bit. I promise I'll still be working on it and I won't just quit posting.  
> Thank you in advanced for your patience while I go through a big life change!!  
> Love you all <3


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey,” Mikey whispered, poking Ray’s exposed belly.  


“Hey,” Ray blinked awake and smiled down at Mikey, catching his hand before he could pull it away.  


The early morning sun was just starting to peak over the horizon and brighten up the dim hospital room. Mikey had the blankets pulled high over his shoulders, preemptively shielding his skin from the east window. It wasn’t bad yet, but eventually the sun would be coming through full force, covering Mikey’s cot with painful light.  


“What’re you doing up?” Ray brushed his thumb over the back of Mikey’s hand.  


“Couldn’t sleep and I got lonely.” Mikey poked Ray’s stomach again.  


“You know the doctor told me to get rest, right? That means you shouldn’t wake me up at ass o’clock in the morning.” Ray laughed breathily and folded Mikey’s finger down to protect himself from another poke. Ray’s giggle faded when he noticed that Mikey’s expression had fallen and he was now looking sadly down at the floor. “What is it?”  


Mikey looked back up at Ray and tried to smile, but the sadness in his eyes still won out. “I’m still really sorry, maybe, maybe if I hadn’t fed last night, or you know, 4 nights ago, maybe your body would’ve been able to fight off this infection. Maybe you wouldn’t be here right now.”  


“Mikey,” Ray sighed, “You can’t do that. Just like when Frankie got stabbed, you couldn’t have known. You can’t blame yourself for something totally unforeseeable.”  


“But what if there was something I could have done?” Mikey balled up the hand Ray was holding into a fist. “Like, I don’t know, we should have checked on you the first time I got sick. Everyone was so worried about me and it was all misplaced, all of it. It was you we should have been worried about. How did we not see it right away? I drank your blood and got sick, it was obvious. It was so fucking obvious, how did none of us think of that?” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to trap the tears inside. He hated doing this. Getting so frustrated, so filled with guilt that he’d just start crying. Part of him wished being turned into a vampire made it so you couldn’t cry.  


“You can’t go back in time, so none of that matters.” Ray said. He was gently trying to coax Mikey’s fingers out of the fist. “I’m here now, the doctors will figure out what’s going on, and everything will be okay. There’s nothing to worry about.”  


Although Mikey still wasn’t completely convinced it wasn’t his fault, he knew fighting wasn’t going to help either. And there really is no use fighting with your sick best friend while they’re in the hospital, no matter how big your pity party is, Mikey thought. “Speaking of doctors, when is someone going to get in here to do those tests?”  


“Probably when it’s normal people hours, not Mikey insomnia hours.” Ray finally got Mikey to relax his hand enough that he could intertwine their fingers together.  


Mikey pouted. “You usually don’t complain when I’m up at weird times.”  


“Yes, because you usually just disappear to other rooms, and I get to sleep.” Ray smirked down at Mikey. It was nice being up really early, the sky always looked soft and almost sweet, and the dew on the grass shimmered like tiny lights illuminating the low fog that still floated softly over the ground. What was really nice was getting to spend those mornings, those hours where everything was so beautiful, with someone that's eyes mimicked the dew, soft, glowing, but with just a touch of melancholy. Sometimes, when Ray was close to Mikey like this, either early in a morning like this, or late at night when dusk was just falling, Mikey would get this look on his face that would make Ray want to wrap him up in a hug and never let go. It was like Mikey would abruptly be worlds away, somewhere not pleasant, because when he came back to himself, that immense sadness would be back in his eyes. Mikey had that look on his face now.  


“Hey,” Ray said quietly, gently brushing the hair off Mikey’s face with his fingertips. “What’s going on, now? Where’d you go?”  


Mikey looked up cautiously and let out a short, bitter laugh. “Is there a word for a daytime nightmare?”  


Ray’s heart sank. “What’s it about this time?” He kept his hand resting on the side of Mikey’s cheek, brushing his thumb across the soft skin.  


“I had to go to the hospital with Gee once, not that long after I was turned.” Mikey set his jaw. “He’ll say it wasn’t to this day, but it was my fault. What happened that day was undeniably my fault. He hadn’t been feeling well for a while, so we went to the ER, just to see what was going on. They had to draw blood, and he hates needles, but I couldn’t be there for him. I’ve always been there when he has blood drawn, holding his hand, making sure he’s taking deep breaths, but as soon I saw the first bit of blood climb into the vial I left the room, I felt sick. I couldn’t be there. I ran away. Well, since I wasn’t there to calm him down, he freaked out, tried to pull his arm away from the nurse. She didn’t have time to let go of the needle, and it pulled, and it tore the vein. He ended up having to get a bunch of stitches and he lost feeling in his fingers for a really long time. I just, I failed him, and I can’t do that again, I won’t.”  


“You won’t Mikey, you’re right here. Even if you weren’t, I still wouldn’t be let down. Having you here is just a really, really nice bonus.” Ray wanted to pull Mikey into his arms, hold him tight and close, against his chest, Mikey’s face tucked into the crook of Ray’s neck. He settled for running his fingers through Mikey’s hair, grown out and long overdue for a trim, but Ray thought it suited him. After a while, Ray said, “We both need sleep.”  


“You need sleep.” Mikey corrected him. Just the corner of his mouth turned up in an almost smile. “I won’t be able to sleep anyway.” He cast a glance over his shoulder towards the window. The sun was getting increasingly close to the edge of the cot.  


“Don’t worry about that, come’re.” Ray finally pulled Mikey up into his bed, tucking him close under his arm and blocked him safely from the sun. Almost instinctively Mikey curled himself in close, just like every other time Ray held him. Safe and warm.

\----- 

They were only able to sleep for a short time before the doctor came back in to do the rest of the tests. It only took one long, casting glance from the doctor to get Mikey squirming his way out of the bed, trying not to look suspicious as he pressed himself against the wall to avoid the sunlight that was now pouring in, hot and dangerous. The only time he took his eyes off Ray was when the doctor started drawing blood, filling up a number of small vials with the dark red liquid. There were a couple buttons the doctor messed with on the machines before he collected up the vials and that stupid clipboard everyone seemed to carry around here. After a moment of thinking, he turned back to Ray. “It’ll just be a few hours before we’ll have you test results back, Mr. Toro, then we can go from there.” He nodded his head once and was out the door again.  


Then it became a game of waiting to see which would arrive first, Gerard and Frank, or the test results. 

\----- 

Given how slowly everything seems to move at hospitals, it was no surprise that Gerard and Frank showed up first, holding enough coffee to go around. As soon as Gerard was in the room he got a nervous look on his face, casting quick glances between Frank and Mikey, and then, without a word, shut the blinds. It didn’t take long after that for them to all settle into chairs and huddle close to Ray’s bed, coffee held tightly in their hands.  


“No results yet.” Mikey said flatly, before anyone even had the chance to start asking questions, he knew it was coming.  


“Hopefully it won’t be too much longer.” Gerard placed his hand on Ray’s leg and tried to give a reassuring smile.  


Frank took a slow sip of his coffee before looking up. “Either way, we’ll be here, as long as it takes.” He was all folded up in the chair, his arms wrapped around his legs, making him look even smaller. There was a part of Frank, deep in the back of his mind, that wished they could trade places. Wished that it was him in the hospital bed. It wasn’t fair, he thought, Ray didn’t deserve this. Ray’s a good person who does good things, bad things aren’t supposed to- aren’t allowed to happen to him. He trailed his fingers over the rough hospital blanket and wondered just how many times it had been used and by how many different people. He didn’t think any of them could possibly have been as amazing as Ray. Because that was impossible, there is not a single person in the entire world that’s quite like Ray. Frank knew Ray was watching him, he could feel it in the way that the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.  


“Frankie,” Ray said softly, pulling Frank out of his own mind.  


He looked up slowly. “Yeah?”  


“It’s gonna be okay.” Ray covered Frank’s hand with his own.  


Frank almost had to laugh, how pathetic was he that Ray still had to comfort him, when it was Ray that deserved all the comforting? “Yeah,” Frank breathed out, turning his hand over to squeeze Ray’s, just for a moment.  


When the doctor came back in some hours later, he was taken aback slightly at the number of people currently in the room. “Alright Mr. Toro, I have the results back,” He scanned the room, “If you all could step out for the moment, this is confidential information.”  


Frank moved to stand but Ray put his hand up, stopping him. “No, it’s fine. I want them here.” Ray said to the doctor.  


“Alright,” The doctor said again. Mikey thought he really seemed to like that word. “The infection is worse than we previously thought, it’s progressed into sepsis-”  


“Sepsis?” Mikey cut him off, his eyebrows creased together.  


“Another term for it is blood poisoning…” The doctor continued on, but Frank’s ears were ringing loudly and he could no longer hear what he was saying. No, Frank thought, wringing his hands together in his lap. Frank had been septic once in his life, sometime when he was in middle school. That hospital trip would forever be etched in his mind. His mother sitting next to the bed, crying because the doctor said he was already going into shock, and he might not make it. Later, his mother kneeling near the bed, praying the rosary over Frank, once she thought he was asleep, he hadn’t been. The sick feeling in his stomach of being fucking twelve and being told he might die. He could feel his head swimming now, the doctor's lips were moving but there was still no sound. Gerard said his name, but it sounded muffled and far away. It wasn’t until Gerard placed his hand firmly on Frank’s shoulder that he came crashing back into the present. Just in time to hear the doctor say something about starting antibiotics and hooking something into Ray’s IV.  


“Frank, what’s going on?” Gerard’s lips brushed against Frank’s ear as he whispered.  


“I-” He coughed a little, trying to regain his speech. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a few labored breaths before finally whispering, “Ray can’t have-” His voice cut off, not even wanting to finish the sentence.  


The doctor turned Ray’s arm over and started prodding around the bandaids. All down Ray’s forearm there were little scars, some older than others, all roughly the same size and shape. All from Mikey. “I think,” The doctor said quietly as he poked a particularly red area, eliciting a sharp inhale from Ray, “That the infection started here. Now, I don’t know what caused these, but I’m assuming you do.” He looked accusingly at Ray’s face. Ray didn’t respond, he just averted his eyes downward.  


Realizing he wasn’t going to get anymore information, the doctor turned to leave, but stopped and turned back around right before opening the door to say, “Nurses will be in frequently to see how you respond to the treatment.”  


Once the doctor was out of the room, it was Mikey’s turn to start hyperventilating. He latched onto Ray’s arm, examining all the small scars and scabs that littered his skin. His eyes were blurred with tears but he couldn’t stop running his finger over the skin, wondering what he did wrong. When did he mess up? Did he forget a bandaid? Did he forget that stupid gel shit? This all his fault, there was no denying it. It wasn’t just the feeding after the infection that was Mikey’s fault, the whole fucking infection was Mikey’s fault. If Ray died, if he didn’t make it, it would be on Mikey. Yet another person’s blood would be on his hands. He kissed over every mark he could see, dumbly thinking that maybe that would fix it, maybe that would take everything back. He couldn’t breathe anymore, he was gasping for air between every soft press of his lips. He would have kept going forever if Ray hadn’t used his free hand to pull Mikey away, to force Mikey to look at him.  


“It’s going to be fine, okay?” Ray shook Mikey’s shoulder a little as he spoke. “They’re going to put me on antibiotics, I’ll come home a few days, and I’ll finish unpacking and everything will go back to normal.”  


“But what if-” Mikey muttered, and Ray all but yelled over him.  


“It won’t! You have to stop acting like I might die, because-” Ray’s voice cracked. “Because if you say that,” His hand started to shake. “Then it becomes a real possibility, okay? And that scares the shit out of me.”


	4. Chapter 4

Within a few hours, Frank was sure Ray was going to start looking better, he had to. He was at the hospital now, he was on antibiotics and being monitored, he was going to get better. But, he didn’t, or he wasn’t, in fact, Frank was pretty sure he looked worse. His usually tan skin had turned an ashy shade of almost gray. The flashing numbers on the monitor that represented his heart rate and blood pressure also seemed lower than normal, at least as far as Frank knew. It couldn’t be though, he couldn’t be getting worse because that’s not how this is supposed to work. That’s what Frank latched onto, the thought that maybe it was all just odd side effects of the medicine working. He held onto the loose belief until the doctor came in for the first time since that morning, somewhere around 7pm.  


“It seems,” The doctor began without addressing anyone else in the room, “that your body is not reacting to the medication as well as it should. I’m going to switch you to something else that will hopefully attack the infection a bit stronger.” He began switching out the bags hooked up to Ray’s IV. “Don’t worry, Mr. Toro, we have very high expectations that this one will work and that you will make a full recovery.” The doctor gave him a small smile and went to work doing other small tests and fiddling with the machines around Ray, before heading out with a short nod in the direction of Frank, Gerard, and Mikey.  


Mikey exchanged a look with Gerard that seemed to carry a whole conversation and they both stood at the same time. “We’re going to go down to the cafeteria to get us all some dinner.” Mikey said quickly, with a glance towards Ray.  


Frank stood to follow them out the door, but Ray caught his wrist, stopping him just as the door shut behind Mikey and Gerard. “Frankie,” Ray started slowly, not making eye contact.  


“Don’t,” Frank took a deep breath and continued to stare down at the floor.  


“Just, listen...” Ray’s voice was tighter now, more assertive. Frank looked up. “I can’t be naive, I know, I guess, well- I might get worse, and-”  


“No,” Frank cut him off. “Ray, no, this new drug, whatever, it’s gonna work, and you’re gonna get better and we’re gonna go home in a few days. Everything will go back to normal.”  


“Frank, stop. I know what I said earlier, about not wanting to think about the possibility, but I’m, I’m not getting better. And I need you to listen to me.” Ray moved his hand down to squeeze Frank’s.  


Frank finally sat down again, right next to him. “Okay.”  


Ray held Frank’s hand gently. “You know me better than anyone. You know that, I’m not like you and Mikey, I’m not. I don’t know how to say this, but if-”  


“Ray,” Frank said, there was warning in his voice.  


“If I don’t get better, if it looks like I’m not gonna make it,” Ray continued over him.  


“Please,” Frank whispered, desperately begging Ray not to finish that sentence, not to finish that thought.  


“Frankie, I can’t live like that, I couldn’t,” Ray tried again, but his voice was shaking and there were tears forming in his eyes.  


Frank wanted to look away, he didn’t want to see Ray like this. Ray had always been the strong one, the healthy one, the one that didn’t cry, that was there for everyone else. Frank had never seen Ray like this before and it was breaking his heart. He tried to voice his protest again, get Ray to stop, but no words would come out of his mouth.  


“If it looks like I’m gonna die,” Ray’s nails were digging into Frank’s hand, he barely noticed. “I don’t want to be turned, I need- I need you to just let me go.”  


“I can’t,” Frank began to choke out, but Ray tightened his grip even harder. Frank looked down. There were beads of blood forming where Ray’s nails were cutting into his flesh. He couldn’t feel it.  


“Promise me, Frankie. Promise me.” Ray’s eyes were intense, but they were perfectly clear, he knew exactly what he was asking of Frank.  


“I promise.” Frank whispered. He hadn’t even realized he was speaking, it just came out. He wanted to take it back, he didn’t want to promise that, he didn’t want to lose Ray, but his voice was lost in his throat and he couldn’t speak. The room felt cold suddenly, and the ambient beeping coming from the machines seemed to meld together into a low drone. Or maybe Frank’s ears were just ringing, he couldn’t tell. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t look up from his hands. It didn’t matter, his promise wouldn’t mean anything anyway because Ray would be fine, the medicine would work. He would never have to worry about upholding the promise, because it would never come to that, it couldn’t. They were at the hospital, he was going to get better, that’s how it works.  


“One more thing.” Ray’s voice pulled Frank out of his thoughts. He looked up. “You can’t tell Mikey.”  


Frank opened his mouth to say something, to say that that wasn’t fair, that Mikey deserved to know. But before he could say anything, the door opened and Mikey and Gerard were back with dinner.  


Ray smiled and thanked Mikey when he placed a couple of containers of food in front of him. He struck up a conversation with Mikey, about some movie or book or game, but it didn’t matter, not really. Frank was trying to compose himself, trying to get the tears to stop falling from his eyes. There was a hand on his thigh, it was Gerard’s. He looked up and pressed a smile, it was almost convincing.  


“It’ll be okay.” Gerard’s voice was low. His breath tickled the side of Frank’s neck as he dropped his head to Frank’s shoulder. “I talked to the doctor in the hallway, he really thinks this new medicine is going to help.”  


Frank clung to Gerard’s words. It was hope, it was naive, but it was hope. “Really?” He asked, needing it to be true.  


“Yeah,” Gerard squeezed his thigh. “Ray is strong, and he’s generally healthy, I really do think everything will be okay.”  


He knew it wasn’t a good idea, he really did, but as Frank watched Ray and Mikey laughing together, with Gerard’s head on his shoulder, he let himself believe every word Gerard said. 

\---

The doctor came into the room early the next morning, talking to Ray in a hushed voice because he thought Mikey was still asleep and didn’t want to wake him. He wasn’t asleep, but he kept his eyes closed and listened carefully.  


“Mr. Toro, I promise, we’re doing everything we can, but I’m going to give it to you straight. You’re in the early stages of heart failure. Even if you recover from the sepsis, you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your life.” He cleared his throat. “Your blood pressure keeps dropping, which very well could be a sign of blood clots. Do you have any feeling loss in your limbs?”  


Ray glanced down at Mikey, checking that he was still asleep before saying, “I can’t move my left hand that well, see?” There was a rustle as Ray tried to move his hand. “ I can’t make a fist anymore. I can’t really control my fingers either.”  


“Okay.” Mikey could hear a pencil scratching against paper. The doctor was taking notes. “Anything else?”  


“No, that’s the only thing.” Ray sighed. “But, hey, If it gets to the point where you know I’m not gonna make it, I want to go home. I want to be at home, with my friends.”  


“Alright.” He wrote something down again. “We’ll be monitoring you, but we should know by the end of the day if that will be the case or not. I still have high hopes Mr. Toro.”  


Mikey waited for the door to click shut before opening his eyes to find Ray watching him sadly. “You were awake the whole time, weren’t you?” He asked.  


“Yeah,” Was all Mikey could say. He took Ray’s hand into his own, making sure to grab the right one, the one that would actually feel his touch.  


“I’m scared.” Ray admitted softly. He waited a few minutes before asking, “Can you come up here? I just want to be close.”  


Mikey crawled up into the bed quickly, grimacing slightly at how cold and clammy Ray felt. It didn’t take long for them to curl together, long limbs all tangled. He made sure to pull the blankets high over their shoulders. “I know.” He kissed the tip of Ray’s nose.  


“Can- can you text Frank and Gerard? Tell them not to come today. Lie, say, say that the doctor thinks I need less people around today or something. Say I’ll be in and out of tests and scans and I’ll barely be in the room. That it won’t be worth it to be here.” Ray rested his forehead against Mikey’s. “I don’t want Frankie to see me like this. He- I scared him enough last night.”  


It took him close to fifteen minutes to compose a text that he thought was good enough for the situation. Frank responded almost instantly, saying okay, but also adding that Mikey better keep them updated all day. And that was that, Mikey set his phone aside and wrapped his arms back around Ray. If this was actually going to be one of his last days with Ray, just the two of them, he was sure as hell going to make the most of it. He kissed Ray’s cheek before slowly making his way to his mouth, leaving small kisses the whole way. Neither of them were exactly sure what they were, but now there might not be time to actually figure it out. It couldn’t hurt, Ray figured. ‘Live like you’re dying’ had a whole new meaning to him today.  


“Maybe,” Mikey whispered against Ray’s mouth. “Maybe it will all be okay.”  


“Right now feels okay.” Ray brushed his fingers over Mikey’s cheek. “Let’s just be okay right here, for now.”  


That was enough for both of them. Enough to leave them safe together, exchanging shallow kisses with their bodies pressed together under rough hospital blankets. Mikey pressed kisses to the tips of each of Ray’s fingers on his left hand, and Ray thought, just for a second, that he could actually feel it.  


They slept most of the day, only waking up for the nurses or the doctor. Mikey would send short texts to Frank throughout the day, peppered with small lies and omissions. Whenever Ray saw that faraway look on Mikey’s face, he pulled him a little closer and stole a few more kisses.  


Today, they’d let themselves pretend that everything is fine. The hours continued to pass, and by the time 8pm rolled around, the doctor finally returned with his clipboard filled with papers.  


“Here you go, we just need you to fill out these forms.” He handed the clipboard to Ray. Mikey looked down, confused, and read the words at the top of the paper: Consent for Discharge.  


That was it, Ray wasn’t getting better, he was going home tonight because there was nothing left for the doctors to do. And it was all Mikey’s fault, the infection, the blood loss that made it harder for him to recover, it was all Mikey. He watched Ray’s hand move over the paper, signing his name and checking little boxes. It barely registered in his brain when Ray told him to call Frank, let him know that they were coming home. He didn’t remember getting out of bed, or the feeling of walking over to stand in the far corner of the room. He wasn’t in control of his own body. His fingers moved on autopilot, dialing Frank’s number, pressing his phone to his ear, it rang twice before Frank’s voice came on the line.  


“Hello, Mikey? What’s up?” Frank sounded worried.  


“Hi, Ray is being discharged, he just has some paperwork to fill out, but we’ll be coming home soon.” Mikey’s voice didn’t feel like his own. He wasn’t really the one speaking, he was sure of it.  


“Really?” Mikey could hear the excitement in Frank’s voice. “That’s good!” There was a muffled sound as Frank yelled back to Gerard, excitedly telling him the ‘good’ news.  


“Yeah,” Mikey tried to match Frank’s excitement. He could feel the lump in his throat, threatening him with a sob that couldn’t break through, not yet, not while he was still on the phone with Frank. He forced himself to continue, “See you soon.”  


“Goodbye,” Frank said, the smile in his voice evident before he hung up.  


Mikey stayed facing the wall for a moment, not wanting Ray to see him crying. When he turned back around Ray was standing up, a bundle of his clothes in his arms. “Ready?” He asked.  


Mikey just nodded.


	5. Chapter 5

Frank was hugging Ray as soon as he was through the door. He hadn’t noticed how pale he still looked. He hadn’t noticed Mikey was supporting most of his weight. He hadn’t noticed the redness around Mikey’s eyes. Ray was in front of him, he was home, which had to mean that he was okay. That’s just how it works. He was hugging Ray the same way Ray hugged him when he got released from the hospital after his car accident. The same way they hugged when they moved into their first apartment. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” His words were muffled against Ray’s shirt.  


“Yeah,” Ray muttered back, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t tell Frank. He buried his fingers in Frank’s hair, not wanting to let go. Eventually he had to. Eventually Frank was replaced in his arms with Gerard. Eventually, they ushered him into the living room and got him settled on the couch. No one seemed to notice how much Mikey was helping him walk or just how warm his skin was. A fever was still boiling just under the surface. Mikey sat down next to Ray, tucked closely against his right side. It didn’t take long for Frank to slide in close on his other side. He took Ray’s left hand into his own hands. That was the moment that almost broke Ray. He watched how gently and comfortingly Frank was holding his hand, and he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel Frank’s touch at all. Frank squeezed his hand assuringly, and Ray tried desperately to squeeze it back, but his fingers wouldn’t listen. He forced a smile.  


Mikey hid his face against Ray’s chest. He couldn’t look at how happy Frank looked, and he sure as hell couldn’t look at how broken Ray looked. His hands were shaking so he pressed them together in his lap. Let Frankie be happy, he kept repeating to himself mentally.  


Frank was chattering on excitedly, about everything they were all going to do once Ray was completely better. Gerard nodded along happily, just glad to see Frank being himself again for the first time in days.  


Only about half an hour had passed since they’d gotten back from the hospital, but Ray said, “You know, if we’re going to do all those things I need to rest.” He smiled softly. “I know it’s not late, but really, I’m exhausted. I’m still pretty sick.”  


If only they knew, Mikey thought bitterly. He helped Ray stand and held him steady while Frank gave him another long hug, just for good measure. After an overdrawn exchange of goodnight’s and I love you’s, Mikey finally helped Ray to bed. Gerard and Frank followed, but stopped short and ducked into Frank’s room, forcing themselves to go to bed early too. Neither of them had slept much since the night Ray was admitted into the hospital.  


“Ray,” Mikey said softly once they were both seated on the bed, Ray in his pajamas.  


“I can’t, Mikey, I can’t tell him.” Ray’s voice was hushed. Even with the door to his room closed, and with Frank’s door closed as well, he couldn’t risk Frank overhearing.  


“He deserves to know. He deserves to actually get to say a real goodbye.” Mikey held Ray’s hand. The good one, the one that could hold his back. “You should tell him in the morning.”  


“No, you don’t understand.” Ray was starting to cry. He hoped this wouldn’t happen, but he couldn’t stop himself anymore. “Mikey. The doctor- He told me something when you were on the phone. He,” Ray choked on the lump in his throat. “Mikey, he doesn’t think I’m going to make it through the night.”  


“What?” Mikey’s voice was barely audible.  


“It’s better,” Ray started again. “It’s better if this is his memory of me. It’s better if he gets to go to bed happy.”  


“But what about goodbye? The goodbye he’ll never get.” Mikey shook his head.  


“We got to say I love you, that’s the last thing he said to me. That’s the best I could hope.” Ray squeezed Mikey’s hand.  


“So,” Mikey wouldn’t look up from their hands, he didn’t think he could if he wanted to. “So, what? You want me to go to bed tonight, just lay here.” He gestured aggressively at the bed. “And wait for you to die?”  


“No.” Ray kissed his cheek. “I don’t want you to see me like this either. I want to say goodbye, for real. I want to kiss you. And then I want you to go back next door, and have that be your last memory of me. Something good, not me dying.”  


“You can’t ask that of me. Because,” Mikey caught Ray’s face between his hands. “Because of course I’ll do it for you. It’ll kill me, but you know I’ll do it. For you.”  


Ray brought their lips together. He held them there, in a sweet, soft, warm kiss, as long as he could before it would get too painful. He gave Mikey a sad smile when they parted. “I know. I’ve loved you for a long time, surely not long enough, but we don’t always get to choose in life. So this is it. Goodbye, Mikey Way.”  


“I love you too,” Mikey whispered before pressing another small kiss to Ray’s lips. “Know I always will. Goodbye, Ray.” And with one more brush of their lips, Mikey was silently out the door, shutting it with a click behind him. If he stayed in there any longer he knew he would never leave.  


His apartment felt empty tonight, more so than usual. And too big. Too many nights spent recently in hospital made it seem massive. For the first time in over two years, he didn’t lock the front door. He didn’t lock the door to his room either. It didn’t matter. Anything could happen tonight and it wouldn’t matter. He wouldn’t feel a thing. He laid down in his bed, still fully clothed. It was a joke to think he’d be sleeping at all tonight. His jeans felt too tight and itchy, but he didn’t move his hand to scratch. The slight pain at least reminded him that he was still sort of alive. The only thing worse than this, he figured, would be if this happened to his brother. But it hadn’t. It happened to the only person outside his family that Mikey has ever felt this close to. It happened to the honest to god the best person Mikey had ever met. He stared at the ceiling, begging it to collapse down on top of him. It didn’t move.  


He considered getting a drink, taking the whole bottle of vodka back to bed with him so he could black out and not wake up for possibly days. But he wouldn’t get up. That wasn’t right. If Ray was over there, through the wall, going through this all alone, awake and aware, well Mikey was sure as hell going to go through it too. Ray might be going through it alone physically, but Mikey would damn well be going through it with him mentally. 

\-----

Ray slid off his bed not long after Mikey left. He knew he wasn’t going to be sleeping at all tonight. So instead, he was going to do something he hadn’t done in years. He knelt on the floor and rested his elbows on his mattress. With his hands clasped in front of him, he prayed. He prayed to any god or being that was listening. To any god that may or may not exist, it wasn’t like he believed in any of them anyway, but if there was ever a time to hope, it was now. If anything, he just didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. He didn’t exactly know what he was praying for, but he stayed there for hours, just begging for any strength he could. “If anyone is actually out there listening,” Ray said to the ceiling, giving up silently praying a long while ago. “Why would you do this to me?” Bitterness was seeping into his voice. “What did I ever do? I did my best, you know. And for what? For me to sit alone in my room because I can’t face my friends? Because I’m going to die tonight, and where are you? Where the fuck are you?”  


He was beyond hysterical at this point. Face covered in tears, voice shaking and scared. He thought about the bible in the drawer burning Mikey’s fingertips, and maybe, he didn’t like god all that much anyway. Now he was just angry at god, angry for him not being there to save Mikey, not being there to save Frank, and now not being there to save him. “I don’t-” His voice cracked which only made him more angry. “I don’t want to die.” Those words kept bouncing around in his head, slowly building strength as they fell out of his lips. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.” He was repeating them like a montra. It all clicked into place, because of course Mikey and Frank didn’t want to be vampires, but they didn’t want to die more. And god, did he not want to fucking die. He got to his feet, a little unsteady at first, but then he was moving quickly. The door swung open violently and hit the wall, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care who he woke up, he had someplace to be. Someone to go to. He all but raced through the hallway and living room. The front door was locked, he braced himself against the frame as he clicked the bolt out of place. This door he opened more slowly, and pulled it shut behind him. The hallway was colder than his apartment, he thought numbly as he stumbled to door 17.  


Ray fell against the door, then let himself fall to his knees. It didn’t matter. He began slamming his fist against the door, heavy and rough. He wanted to us both hands but his stupid fucking left arm still wasn’t working. No one came to the door yet, he needed to be louder. Mikey’s bedroom door was probably shut, and maybe he was asleep. It was the middle of the night, he knew people were asleep throughout the complex, it didn’t matter right now. No one but Mikey mattered right now. He resorted to yelling. “Mikey?” His voice was hoarse from the hours of praying. “Mikey! Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, please. Wake up!” He kept pounding on the door, outright sobbing at this point. The words were spilling out his mouth, punctuated by the rhythmic slam of his fist against the wooden door. “Please, Mikey, Please get out here! I don’t want to die. I can’t, I can’t do it!” There were hands on his shoulders, he didn’t know who’s. The door was still shut in his face so he just kept pleading. “Please, Mikey! Wake up! I need you, I need you. I change my mind, I change- I don’t want to die.” He gave up on finding new words and just kept alternating ‘Mikey’ and ‘Please.’  


There was another person now, hugging him from behind, arms wrapped around Ray’s waist. He looked down. Tattoos. They were Frank’s hands. He looked up. Gerard was looking back down at him. He was about to yell again when the door flew open, Mikey’s hands shook as he knelt down and pulled Ray against him. There they all were, sitting on the floor of the hallway. All crying.  


“I don’t want to die, Mikey.” Ray choked out against Mikey’s neck.  


“I know, I know. I’ll be right here.” Mikey ran his hand over Ray’s hair.  


“No, no, you don’t understand.” Ray pulled back and brushed his fingers over Mikey’s cheek. “I changed my mind. I’m okay with being turned.” Ray could hear Frank gasp against his neck. “I’m not ready to die.”  


Mikey’s eyes grew wide. “Are you sure?”  


“Yes.” Ray didn’t even hesitate, he just kissed Mikey quickly, finally able to stop shaking. It was going to be okay, he was already less scared.  


Mikey pulled Ray against him again, struggling to pull him through the doorway, into the living room. It took him a few rough attempts, but the door cleared his feet and Gerard shut it as he and Frank followed into the room. They’d all be there, together, for Ray.  


“Ready?” Mikey asked against Ray’s neck. They were still there in a rough heap on the floor, but Mikey couldn’t think to move. He couldn’t get himself to wait to save Ray for another second. He pressed his tongue to the pulse point in Ray’s neck, centering his mouth over it. It would get the venom to his heart the fastest, making the transition shorter and less painful. “I wish I could make it not painful for you. I don’t want you to be in pain.”  


“I’m ready, Mikey,” Ray said, and after a second added, “I trust you.” He remembered watching Frank being turned, the convulse of his body, the way his mouth was stuck open in a silent scream. He didn’t think it would feel quite like this. It was like being burned alive from the inside out. What he figured it would feel like to have molten lava injected straight into his veins. There was one other thing he could feel, soft and distant, Mikey’s hand brushing through his hair, doing the best he could to comfort Ray. Everything Mikey and Frank had said about the feeling was true. The ringing in his ears so loud he couldn’t hear anything else, the skull splitting headache, the fire in his veins, it was all there. For a moment, he really thought maybe dying wouldn’t have been that bad, then everything stopped. The pain stopped and not it was just Mikey covering his neck in small kisses until Ray came fully back into his own mind. Frank was squeezing his left hand, he could feel it again. Mikey slumped back against his brother. The room was dim but he could tell everyone was still crying. And then, of all the responses, Ray started laughing. It was something choked and hysterical, but most of all, happy.  


Frank smiled through the tears. “Ray, you’re alive. You’re really fucking alive.” He laughed too. Gerard caught on after him, and finally, Mikey started laughing too, high pitched and sort of crazy, but so, so fucking happy.  


It took them all a few minutes to compose themselves, and once they did, they slowly got to their feet, still hugging and clinging to each other.  


Ray turned to Mikey and asked, “What now?” Reality creeping back into place. The scary reality of him being a vampire, just like Mikey and Frank.  


“It doesn’t matter, not right now.” Mikey shook his head. “We’ll figure it out in the morning, the logistics, everything. You’ve got Frankie and I to help you go through it, Gee too. Tonight, can we just sleep? I just want to be close, wanna forget that I almost had to say goodbye to you.” He kissed Ray’s cheek. “Please?”  


“Yeah, we can do that.” Ray shifted his face so he could kiss Mikey on the lips.  


Mikey wouldn’t let go of Ray as they went back to Ray and Frank’s apartment, into Ray’s room, and into bed. He was scared that if he let go of Ray, even just for a second, he would fall apart. But he didn’t. He was still in one piece as they switched off the lights and as they pulled the covers up. He was still in one piece as Mikey kept kissing the fresh scars on his neck. Most importantly, he was still in one piece when they fell asleep, still holding each other.  


This was all that mattered right now. They could figure out everything else tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

“I feel weird.” Gerard said to Frank’s back.  


Frank turned back around to face Gerard, a mug of coffee in each hand. His eyebrows were raised. “What do you feel weird about?” Frank passed one of the mugs to Gerard as he lowered himself into the chair next to him.  


Gerard looked down into his mug. Coffee swirled with milk every time the cup moved. “It’s just me now.” He said, like it should mean anything at all to Frank.  


“What do you mean, Gee?” Frank asked. He sighed a little, was it too much to ask for Gerard to just be direct sometimes?  


“I don’t know…” Gerard waved his hands. “I guess I just, it’s because I’m the only one that’s not a vampire.” It felt weird to say out loud.  


“It is weird.” Frank agreed. Through the wall, Ray and Mikey were probably still asleep. Once they woke up, Ray’s whole life would be different. Really, even the dynamic between him and Mikey had to change, since Ray wasn’t exactly a walking snack anymore. Frank frowned at the thought of how much blood the three of them would need. “Does it scare you?” Frank looked up suddenly.  


Gerard bit his lip. “A little.” His voice was small. Frank felt bad.  


There were little scars on the inside of Gerard’s arm, just like the ones Ray had. Frank had just noticed them. “I won’t feed from you anymore.” Frank’s tone of voice told Gerard that there wasn’t room for debate.  


“What, Why?” Gerard took Frank’s hand into his own.  


Frank brushed his fingers over the white marks in Gerard’s skin. “These getting infected, that’s what killed Ray. Or would have. I won’t risk that happening to you too.”  


“But you’re willing to put a random person at risk?”  


“Honestly,” Frank stopped his hand’s movement and looked Gerard dead in the eye, “Yeah. And that might be fucked up, but it’s true.”  


“Frankie…” Gerard started. He felt like he should be mad, be upset with Frank that he would say something like that, but he wasn’t. Which to him was bad enough, but to make it worse, it actually made something stir in his chest. He tried to push it down. “That’s not right.”  


“Oh well.” Frank shrugged and kissed the back of Gerard’s hand.  


That same fluttering feeling rose in Gerard’s chest again, and this time he didn’t push it away. A small smile broke free. For a moment, he let himself just be content. Mikey was safe, Ray was alive, Frank was being weirdly romantic, things were good. It didn’t take long for a new fear to take the place of all the old ones from yesterday. “What now?”  


“The same thing as when Mikey and I were both turned, we get Ray through it and then create the weird, new normal.” Frank answered as he continued to place kissing up Gerard’s arm, over the scars.  


“Not just that.” Gerard ran his free hand through his hair. It was getting hard to think the closer Frank’s mouth got to his own. “Where are you and Mikey -and now Ray- going to get blood? It wasn’t so hard when you and Mikey just had live-in blood bags, but now that’s not an option anymore... And there’s one more vampire in the mix. It’s more complicated.”  


“I’m sure we’ll-” Frank started, but Gerard cut him off when he stood up abruptly, words spilling out with a new wave of panic.  


“What if what happened last time, happens again? When Mikey got stabbed. And that same guy stabbed you. How are we supposed to avoid people like that? I- We have to keep everyone safe, that’s the reason Mikey and Ray had their whole arrangement in the first place. You and me too. And now we just have to forget that?” Gerard grabbed Frank by the shoulders, pulled him up from his chair, and shook him a little. The panic was rising in his voice. “You might not want to risk what happened to Ray, happening to me. But Frankie. I can’t risk you getting stabbed. What happened to Mikey, I can’t sit back and just hope that doesn’t happen to you. I know what you said and what you want. But please, listen to what I want. If you just let me protect you, let me feed you, then we can protect Ray and Mikey together. Please.” He wouldn’t admit out loud that he also wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of someone else being so close to Frank, their bodies pressed together, lips moving against soft Flesh. That was a place for Gerard to be, no one else.  


Frank shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to go through what Ray had to go through.”  


“Losing you would hurt more.” Gerard said quietly. Only a second later Frank had caught Gerard’s face between his hands, and pulled him into a heated kiss. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank’s neck, pulling him close and not letting him get away. Right now, he needed Frank, and he needed to be close. Holding Frank made him tangible. Wrapped in Gerard’s arms, nothing bad could happen to him.  


“Gee,” Frank breathed against his lips. He needed to think, and he couldn’t do that pressed against Gerard. The heat coming from his body just made Frank’s head spin. And of course, there it was, a drop in the pit of his stomach. A tightening of hunger, Gerard’s pulse thumping underneath Frank’s finger tips. He wished he could just be close, really kiss Gerard, like they used to, but the same thing happened every time. Frank needed room. Once he was able to create some space between them, he took a few deep breaths.  


“Yeah, Frankie?” Gerard caressed the side of his face, eyebrows creased with worry. Frank was so still in Gerard’s arms that he was going to repeat his name, when movement from the hallway caught his attention. “Ray?”  


Frank turned around quickly, nearly falling out of Gerard’s arms. There Ray was, standing at the edge of the living room. Hands clasped in front of his body, shifting nervously from side to side. He was still in the same clothes he’d been wearing last night, and was more disheveled than Frank had even seen him before.  


Ray gave Gerard a half smile, before directing an intense amount of eye contact at Frank. “I need to talk to Frankie.” He coughed. “Alone.”  


“Yeah,” Gerard nodded. Without hesitation he let Frank go and went back to his own room. The door clicked shut behind him.  


Frank hadn’t taken his eyes off Ray. “So,” His voice was tight.  


“I’m sorry,” Ray started. He took a tiny step towards Frank.  


“You lied to me.”  


“Yeah,” Ray bowed his head.  


“What you asked of me wasn’t fair. And then- And then you lied to me.” Frank was struggling to keep his words even. He figured he had every right to be upset, but it was hard to stay upset when at the same time he just wanted to hug Ray and never let him go. “What the fuck, man?” His voice cracked.  


“I’m sorry!” Ray took another step forward, more sure of himself this time. “I was scared. I was so fucking scared. You have to understand that. I couldn’t tell you, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I knew I was going to die, and shit, I just wanted my last memory of you to be happy. I wanted you to have a good night. If you want to be mad at me I get it, be mad at me! I get it, I don’t fucking blame you, but understand what I was dealing with. I couldn’t say goodbye. God dammit, you’re my best friend, if I-” His voice cracked. When did he start crying? There was more he wanted to say, more that he wanted to explain and justify, but he couldn’t get the words out. Everything seemed to get trapped in his throat when he looked at Frank. Just standing there, shaking and equal parts scared, sad, and angry. Usually Ray wasn’t one to cry, but it seemed to be happening a lot more often recently. He chose to blame both Frank and Mikey for that.  


“I’m not mad because- I’m mad because you asked me to just let you die. I’m mad because I would have been there for you.” Frank was vibrating in place. Wanting to hug Ray and wanting to stand his ground at the same time. “You said you were fine. I’m mad because- fuck- you went through that shit alone and I should have been there for you.”  


“Frankie,” Ray tried again.  


“I lied too. I lied when I promised you that if I thought you were gonna die I wouldn’t turn you. And I know how selfish that is, but I knew I was lying then.” Frank finally moved. He finally broke away from the floor, pulling Ray against himself quicker than he meant to. His face was resting against the side of Ray’s neck when he spoke again. “I’m so fucking glad you changed your mind. Because you’re alive, and I can’t be mad at you because you’re alive and you’re here and for all those times you were there for me, I’m gonna be here for you.”  


“I’m alive,” Ray repeated. He rested his hand on the back of Frank’s neck. “I’m still here.”  


They stayed like that for god knows how long, just holding each other and being glad that they were both still alive. Somehow, against all odds, they were both still alive. All the feelings Frank had been having about Ray not needing him anymore washed away, leaving Frank to start giggling like an idiot.  


Ray pulled him away a little to look at Frank’s face. “What?”  


Once Frank was able to get himself back under control, he smirked at Ray. A new thought playing around in his mind. “So what’s up with you and Mikey?”  


Ray rolled his eyes and tried to pull away from Frank, but Frank wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. His arm was still trapped in Frank’s grasp, so he rolled his eyes again and asked as innocently as possible, “What are you talking about?”  


“C’mon,” Frank rolled his eyes too. “You and him last night, on the floor, all grabbing and kissing, it’s as bad as-”  


“You and Gerard?” Ray cut in, smirking now.  


Frank glared at Ray for a second before conceding and giving a non committal “mhmm.”  


“I don’t know, man. It just sort of happened, like you and Gee, really.” Ray shrugged. “Sometimes there’s something right in front of you, it just takes you awhile to notice. Or maybe you spend so much time with a person, and they always seem to be just them, then one day, you see them totally differently.”  


“You just never said anything about it to me, ever. Like, you’d talk about Mikey, but it was always friends and video games.” Frank swatted lightly at Ray’s arm. Ray brushed him off.  


“Well, some of us don’t pine over our bar patrons for months on end and do nothing but talk to their roommates about it.” Ray laughed and Frank tried to swing at him again, but he completely blocked it. “But really, I don’t think I even noticed right away.”  


“Notice what right away?” Mikey peaked out through his bedroom door. Frank thought he looked just as disheveled as Ray, if not worse. It was the first time Frank had ever seen Mikey looking absolutely exhausted.  


“Nothing,” Ray turned to face Mikey, a soft smile in his face.  


Mikey padded over slowly, just to drop his head onto Ray’s shoulder and let himself be hugged. “Mmkay.” He mumbled against Ray’s shirt. After a minute he lifted his head enough to ask, “How are you doing?”  


“I’m okay. A lot better than I expected to be today, especially since last night I thought I was going to be dead by now.” Ray laughed lightly, but neither Frank or Mikey followed suit. He brushed his fingers through Mikey’s hair and finally got a good look at him. “Did you sleep at all last night?” He asked.  


“Donno,” Mikey shrugged as best as he could, still wrapped in Ray’s embrace. There were dark circles curling under his eyes, and his skin gave off an almost pearlescent glow. Maybe even saying he looked exhausted would be an understatement.  


Frank had seen Mikey tired before. They’d shared countless sleepless nights together, but the way Mikey looked right now, like the dead walking, Frank had never seen that before. “Are you okay Mikey?” Frank cut in nervously.  


“Yeah,” Mikey said. It sounded like he tried to laugh, but it was more of a large exhale of breath. “I just didn’t sleep. s’okay.”  


“Mikey…” Frank tried again. “I’ve seen you not sleep for days at a time. What’s actually wrong?”  


“It’s nothing, just been a really long few days.” Mikey gave a half smile, but he could tell Frank wasn’t buying it.  


Frank was ready to ask again but this time Ray jumped to Mikey’s defence. “We were up together, he was just trying to help me, you know, understand everything.”  


It was then that Frank noticed, aside from looking disheveled, Ray looked really, really good. Given the week Ray’d had, Frank expected him to look much worse. Frank knew he still looked like shit the day after he was turned. The dichotomy of Ray next to Mikey seemed to dislodge something in his brain and it finally clicked into place. “It has something to do with Ray, doesn’t it?” There was more of an edge to Frank’s voice than he had intended, but he couldn’t change it now.  


“I’m fine, it doesn’t matter.” Mikey said quietly. He had his fingers tightly balled up in Ray’s shirt.  


“Mikey, what aren’t you saying?” Gerard had come out of his room not long after he heard Mikey exit his own, but he was just now making his presence known. He moved into the room and looked between Frank and his brother, the concern growing on his face as he really took in how rough Mikey looked.  


“Can a vampire drink another vampire’s blood?” Frank asked, but he already knew the answer. Mikey said he had the day he was turned.  


“Why would you-?” Gerard’s voice was rising quickly, but Mikey cut him off.  


Mikey took a stumbling step towards his brother, who had to all but catch him. “Gee, he needed blood, after everything, I- neither of us wanted to leave the apartment. I’ll find someone today and-” This time it was Gerard’s turn to cut him off.  


“And what? Get killed because you can barely walk and can’t do anything to protect yourself?” He shook his head harshly. “You were already weak from getting sick before this, and you thought this was a good idea? You couldn’t have asked me, or Frank for that matter?”  


“I’m fine, Gee, it’s okay.” Mikey frowned at him. His stomach swooped.  


“You’re so clearly not fine, though.” Gerard held Mikey out at arms length. And that’s when it hit him, what he and Frank talked about only minutes ago. He took a long look at the three men standing around him. Here he was, the only human in a room full of vampires. He’d never felt so small in his life. This is what Frank worried he’d be afraid of, and he was. Just now, the fear rose in his chest quickly, he looked at his brother like a stranger. All the times Mikey accidentally hurt him over the past two years, all the times he’d seen Mikey with blood on his clothes when he came home late, those images flashed through his brain and he was so fucking scared. “You’re not just putting yourself in danger here, you know that.”  


“What do you mean?” Ray was now looking at Mikey with the same level as concern as Gerard.  


“Gee, please, just drop it.” Mikey said quietly. He was closing in on himself, he needed to get away, he could feel the hunger rising.  


“You know what can happen, Mikey!” Gerard shook him a little, maybe because he was angry, or maybe to hide how much he was shaking himself. “What can happen when you go too long without feeding.”  


“Stop it,” Mikey tried to pull away, but either he was too weak or Gerard’s grip was stronger than usual.  


“What are you talking about?” Frank put his hand on Gerard’s shoulder, and that’s when he finally saw it. Gerard wasn’t just angry, he was scared. And he wasn’t just scared of or about Mikey, he was looking at Frank in fear too.  


“This self sacrificing bullshit doesn’t just affect you!” Gerard was almost yelling, his voice tight and shrill.  


“Stop.” Mikey said. He set his jaw, he knew he couldn’t be this close to Gerard right now, the smell of human blood hot and sharp. He was getting angry.  


“All I’m asking is for you to actually take care of yourself before you or someone else gets hurt again!” Gerard’s hands were in fists at his sides.  


“Gerard.”  


“You don’t want to lose control again, do you?” Gerard asked, but he wasn’t about to wait for an answer. “What happens when you get hurt? What happens when someone else gets hurt? Are you-”  


“I said stop!” Mikey yelled. And then it all happened too fast. That gross, animalistic instinct took over, and Mikey was no longer in control. Maybe it was the hunger, or the anger, or a mix of both, but something was set free in him for the first time in years. Mikey surging forward, pushing Gerard away from him. Gerard landing on the ground with a thud and a groan. Mikey dropping down on top of his brother. His face landing in the crook of Gerard’s neck. It looked almost like a kiss, but of course it wasn’t that. Gerard gasping and yelling, desperately thrashing to get away, to get Mikey off. It only went on for a few panicked seconds before Ray was there, arms tightening around Mikey’s waist, tugging him jerkily away from his brother.  


“Mikey! Mikey, stop!” Ray was yelling too. And then he had Mikey’s body pulled against him, awkwardly sprawled on the floor.  


“Gee!” Frank knelt by his side and pulled Gerard’s head up into his lap. “Are you okay?”  


Gerard blinked wildly before settling his eyes on Frank. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He pressed his fingers to his neck, there was a slick spot there. He didn’t have to look to know it was blood. His blood. He looked at Mikey, already regretting the things he said. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, still wishing he wasn’t so fucking scared right now. But he let Frank hold him anyway.  


Mikey looked dazed for a few moments before realization washed over him. Everything Gerard had said, everything he was worried about with Mikey losing control, hurting someone, it happened. But it wasn’t just someone that he hurt, it was his brother. What he gave up to make sure Ray was okay, in turn ended up hurting his brother. “Gerard, I didn’t mean to, I-” He tried to get free from Ray, tried to get over to his brother.  


“Stay away!” Frank yelled, instinctively pulling Gerard closer, wrapping his arms protectively around him.  


“It was an accident,” Mikey’s eyes were wide. He felt like a scared animal. All the fear and shock he had gone through when he first was turned, it was all here. “I’m sorry.”  


“I pushed him, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have yelled.” Gerard said quietly, just to Frank, just to get Frank to calm down. He worried his fingers in the hem of his shirt. “I was scared, but I just made it worse.”  


“You need to get him out of here.” Mikey said, directly aimed at Frank.  


“What?” Frank asked.  


“For now. You two have to go. It’s not- I- Until I feed, it’s not safe for him here.” Mikey looked like that was the worst thing he’d ever have to say. Just the image of him hurting his brother again, it was enough to make him lose his mind.  


“Yeah,” Frank nodded. He wasn’t angry anymore, because when he looked at Mikey, he saw himself. A month ago, shaking and crying on his floor because he hurt Gerard. He felt sorry for Mikey, this was his brother, and if Frank had a pity party from hurting Gerard himself, he couldn’t imagine what Mikey was feeling. “Yeah,” Frank said again, this time helping Gerard back to his feet in a daze. “We’ll be next door.”  


“Yeah,” was all Mikey could say in return as he watched them exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to write and post this chapter, I've been dealing with my own stuff recently and wasn't feeling particularly inspired, but I finally got some good thoughts in and finished writing it! Hopefully I can be more consistant in the future, but Grad school is a thing.
> 
> I hope you like it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd yet again like to say I'm sorry for this taking so long, but here it is!!

The sun was setting as Frank relinquished his cigarette to Gerard. They were sitting on Frank’s couch together, staring out the window.

  
“I want to apologize to Mikey,” Gerard said after blowing out a cloud of smoke and returning the cigarette to Frank’s lips.

  
“No,” Frank sighed. “You have to wait until he feeds. It’s just getting dark enough for them to leave now.”

  
“I should apologize before they leave. What if Mikey gets hurt while they’re out? What if something happens to him and the last time we ever see each other was us fighting?”

  
“He’ll be fine.” Frank placed his hand on Gerard’s thigh. “Ray is with him.”

  
“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, “Yeah.” This time Frank didn’t pass him their shared cigarette, just held it up to Gerard’s lips while he inhaled, then returned it to his own mouth.

  
“Ray promised he’d text as soon as they got back.” Frank assured him.

  
The air was heavy in the room, a mixture of fresh smoke and dust stirred up from the move. Gerard considered opening a window, but Frank’s hand was warm on his thigh and he didn’t want to break the contact. Couldn’t handle breaking the contact. They smoked in silence, Frank holding the cigarette for Gerard, and then stubbing it out on the plate they were using as a makeshift ashtray and until Frank got around to unpacking the real one. There were words filling Gerard’s brain, everything he wanted to say to fill the space, because the silence was making him worry about Mikey, but he couldn’t get any words to come out. Every time he looked at Frank, ready to say something, the look on Frank’s face stopped him. He was clearly upset about something, his lips set in a tight line, his eyebrows drawn down, but he stayed quiet. Gerard clasped his hands together in his lap, and finally, that broke Frank out of his silence.

  
“You’re scared.” He didn’t have to say more. Gerard knew what he meant, and Frank knew that he knew.

  
“No,” Gerard tried to say, but Frank just shook his head.

  
“You’re scared of me. I saw it on your face when you were fighting with Mikey. I see it now every time you look at me.” Frank said, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Gerard as me spoke. “Why?”

  
“I panicked.” Gerard took Frank’s hand into his own, considering it as he spoke. Frank finally looked at him. “When- When I was standing there, and f- fighting with Mikey, and I was the only human, I felt small. I trust all of you, but I got scared, I realized that- If you all lost control for some reason, there’d be nothing I could do.”

  
“I can’t forget the look on your face.” Frank tilted his head to the side, as if the shift in angles would make the mental image go away. “Even when I hurt you, when I actually hurt you, you didn’t look at me like that.”

  
Gerard sat silently, maintaining eye contact, but not speaking, there was more Frank had to say, he just needed to give him time to sort his thoughts out.

  
“I felt like a monster.” Frank said quietly, his hand twitching slightly against Gerard’s. His jaw tightened and he looked back towards the window. The sun was completely hidden now. The next thing he was going to ask would be the hardest. For both of them. “Are you still scared? Right now?”

  
Gerard used the tips of his fingers on Frank’s chin to bring his gaze back. “Not at all.” And it was the truth, he wasn’t sure at first, but looking in Frank’s eyes right now, he knew it was.

  
Frank wished he believed it. He wished when he looked at Gerard he didn’t still see the fear, but he couldn’t get that image out of his head. It was like all his worst fears were confirmed in one moment, and now he had to fight to not believe them. He wished it could all just be better, but it wasn’t. He looked away.

  
“Frankie?” Gerard asked nervously, dropping his fingers from Frank’s cheek. It was like the hotel night all over again, Frank closing in on himself, not being able to handle the contact. It wasn’t the same though, because that night it was Frank worrying that he would hurt Gerard. Tonight it was Frank convinced that Gerard was scared of him for the same reason. “I trust you.”

  
“I know,” Frank sighed, but he didn’t sound convinced of his own words. He felt sick.

  
“Please,” Gerard said softly.

  
The crack in his voice made Frank realize something. Gerard needed him. This wasn’t about Frank, not really. Even if it was, Gerard was hurt, by his own brother. He needed comfort, not Frank’s pity party. “Mikey’s gonna be okay.”

  
“What?”

  
“What you said, he won’t hold that against you, he’s not gonna be mad at you. You were scared and worried about him, he knows that.” Frank squeezed his hand.

  
“But, you’re mad.” Gerard frowned.

  
“No, Gee,” Frank turned to him again. “I wish- I want you to not ever be scared of me. I’m not mad. It’s just- I don’t want that to be something that ever goes through your mind, and I wish I could change the circumstances that ever made you feel this way.”

  
“You know what it is, Frank,” Gerard said. He didn’t want to say the words out loud.

  
“It’s because I’m a vampire.” Frank looked down at the bandage taped to Gerard’s neck. “And you’re human.”

  
Gerard nodded.

  
“I wish I wasn’t, you know.” Frank said simply. “I know I’ve said this before but, Gee, if I could go back in time, you know this isn’t what I want.”

  
“I know,” Gerard lowered his head to Frank’s shoulder, feeling the tension start to drop between them.

  
“It’s getting easier.” Frank dropped his head onto Gerard’s. “I’m not as worried that I’m a danger to you.”

  
Gerard hummed in agreement.

  
“I can be close. I can kiss you, and I’m not scared.” Frank kissed the top of his head. “It hurts sometimes, but I can breathe, I can handle it.”

  
“I want to be close.” Gerard’s voice was soft.

  
“I know.”

  
“I want to be with you.” It was almost a whisper.

  
“I know,” Frank breathed. His chest ached for something he was scared to ask for. “You’re not scared?”

  
“I’m not scared.” Gerard murmured. “Are you?”

  
Frank thought for a moment. “A little.” He looked down at their hands, one in the other, fingers wrapped together, sharing warmth. He felt fine, he felt warm and safe.

  
“I trust you.” Gerard added when Frank was quiet for a little too long.

  
Frank closed his eyes and sighed. “I wish we would have before, before I got turned. When it was still so simple. God, Fuck, I’ve wanted to for so long.”

  
“It’s never going to be simple again.” Gerard said. And fuck, Frank already knew that, but when Gerard said it, it became twice as real.

  
The tension that had once filled the room was gone. Now it was just them, hands pressed together, skin touching skin, only the sound of breathing to fill the space between words. Something needed to happen before Frank lost his resolve. Because it would never be simple, they would never be simple. Maybe it wasn’t the right time, but if the past few months of Frank’s life meant anything, it’s that he never knew when everything would change, and to just do stuff now. Frank tilted his head up, just enough so it wasn’t on top of Gerard’s anymore. He used his free hand to trace Gerard’s jaw, softly at first, then more abrupt as he turned Gerard’s face and brought their lips together.

  
“Frankie?” Gerard asked against Frank’s lips.

  
“Yeah?” Frank asked, his fingers caught in the collar of Gerard’s shirt.

  
Gerard pulled back enough to look Frank in the eyes. “Do you- Are we- Are you sure?”

  
“There’s never gonna be a right time,” Frank punctuated his thought with a kiss. “So why not now? We have the apartment to ourselves, now is as good a time as any.” He paused. “Yeah?”

  
Gerard blinked rapidly. “Yeah?” His mouth was dry, he swallowed. “I mean, yeah! Yeah, of course. But what if-?”

  
“If I’m not okay, then we stop, that’s it.” Frank stood and pulled Gerard up with the hands that were still clasped together. They stood there for a moment, Gerard fidgeting his free hand. So Frank added, “If you want to.”

  
“No, I want to.” Gerard said, almost too fast. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When his eyes opened there was something new there, something bright, something needy. “God, I want to.”  
Frank couldn’t help it. The look in Gerard’s eyes, the breathiness of his words, it was intoxicating. He surged forward, pulling Gerard against him at the same time, so their mouths collided somewhere in the middle. And although nothing else in life was simple right now, this was. Hot, desperate, needy, and so fucking clear, that this was right. Frank adjusted his hands, enough to get one wrapped around Gerard’s waist. “C’mere,” Frank sigh, unnecessarily, because Gerard was right there, pressed against him. He kissed across Gerard’s jaw, down his neck, to where the collar of his shirt met his skin.

  
“Do you want to go to your room?” Gerard asked, but it was barely a question. His voice was so beautifully breathy as he tilted his head back, granting Frank better access.

  
“Mmm,” Frank hummed against his neck, already starting to push Gerard in the direction of the hallway. His first few steps stumbled, but then he let himself get pushed, steadying himself with an arm looped around Frank’s waist. He didn’t pay attention to the movements, until his back hit the wall and Frank was holding him there, a hand pressed to his hip. He was taking his time, curling his fingers around the waistband of Gerard’s jeans, his mouth never leaving Gerard’s neck for long.

  
Gerard let out a breathy sigh, and then they were moving again, Frank all but pulling him down the hall and into Frank’s room. The bed caught the back of his knees and Gerard fell clumsily onto his back, followed closely by Frank. It was nothing they hadn’t done before, but it felt different, because it was going someplace new. He had Gerard in his back now. Frank stradling him, running his fingers along Gerard’s sides, then under the hem of his shirt, then sliding it off over his head.

  
He’d seen Gerard shirtless so many times, but every time it took his breath away. “Gee,” Frank sighed, running his hands up Gerard’s chest, feeling the smooth skin under his fingers. “So fucking beautiful.” Gerard’s fingers were tugging at Frank’s shirt, so he pulled it off, ruffling his hair as it swept over his head.

  
“Mmm,” Gerard hummed, hands traveling over Frank’s torso, tracing tattoos, then running his fingers lower, hooking a finger in the waistline of Frank’s jeans, pulling him lower. Gerard’s eyes made their way back to Frank’s face. There was a look in his eyes of hunger, but not the dangerous kind, not the deadly kind, something much better.

  
And like Frank was reading Gerard’s mind, he whispered, “Want you,” He kissed at Gerard’s jaw. “Want you so fucking bad.”

  
He propped himself up on his elbow so he could snake his other hand down to undo Gerard’s belt. He needed to see Gerard, all of him, and he needed it now. Gerard seemed to have understood, because he lifted his hips off the bed, letting Frank pull his jeans and boxers off after a few hasty jerks. “Fuck,” He said under his breath. Beautiful was an understatement, he was, sublime? Frank couldn’t think of a word that could quite capture exactly how stunning Gerard is, and here he was, laid on a bed, naked, underneath Frank. He must have been staring, because Gerard’s voice cut through his thoughts, in a soft, breathy question. “Frankie?”

  
“Yeah,” Frank murmured as he kissed his way down Gerard’s chest and stomach. His journey downwards earned him a soft gasp from Gerard.

  
“God, fuck, Frank. I- Fuck, please, Frankie,” The words poured out of Gerard’s lips before he could stop them. Nothing had really even happened yet, and Gerard was starting to wonder just how he went so long without Frank’s mouth on his skin like this.

  
Frank hummed against Gerard’s thigh, kissing harder, sucking and biting little bruises in the crease where his thigh met his hip. He could feel Gerard’s pulse, the blood rushing right below the surface, he wanted it, but there was something he wanted so much fucking more right now. “You are,” Frank left a kiss with each word, “So. Fucking. Beautiful.”

  
They both wanted to try their best to go slow, to savor every second, but the moment was here and neither of them could stop the momentum.

  
Gerard had his eyes closed, so he was a little surprised when he felt Frank’s mouth slide over his erection. He was making these little gasping noises that were driving Frank absolutely insane. He would do whatever he could to make Gerard keep making those sounds forever.

  
His thumbs were pressed into Gerard’s hips and he hoped to God that it would leave bruises. Bruises that only he knew about.

  
There was an ever present stream of thoughts coming from Gerard, a mix of expletives and variations on, “please, Frankie, yeah, just like that. So good baby, so fucking good.”

  
Gerard’s real undoing though, was the way that Frank was humming his agreement to everything Gerard said. And then Gerard’s hands were gripping Frank’s hair and he was struggling to keep his hips down. Frank’s fingers pressed harder into Gerard’s sides and that was it, and Gerard was coming, Frank’s mouth still around him.

  
As if it was possible, the image Frank got of Gerard when he looked up was even more beautiful than he usually was. Head back, lips parted, chest rising and falling quickly, completely and utterly in bliss. It was Frank’s new favorite thing to look at.

  
“That was,” Gerard breathed, “Fuck, that was amazing.”

  
“Yeah?” Frank crawled back up the bed to kiss Gerard.

  
“Yeah,” Gerard said against Frank’s lips. He was lowering his hands now, working the zipper down on Frank’s jeans. He didn’t let their mouths separate the entire time, not until he was pulling the waistband down. “Stand up.”

  
Frank slid back down, coming to stand at the foot of the bed, no reservations.

  
“I want to see you.” Gerard’s voice was low and thick and beautiful and Frank was more than happy to oblige. Pushing his jeans down his thighs and stepping out of them, kicking them away.

  
Gerard drank in the sight. Tattoos usually hidden, now exposed. He wanted to taste every one of them. He crawled down the bed slowly to Frank, stepping down. He kissed Frank once before falling to his knees. And he did, he began kissing and licking the tattoos on Frank’s thighs. The black ink stood out stark against the pale skin that no longer saw the light of day. He pressed his face against Frank’s stomach, warmer there than his hands ever were. “Love you,” He whispered, just loud enough for Frank to hear. “So much.” He didn’t give Frank a chance to respond, because he took Frank into his mouth and all Frank could get out was a moan.

  
And when Frank opened his eyes to look down at Gerard, to take in the sight, he decided, in fact, that this was actually his new favorite thing to look at. Because Gerard was on his knees, making those same little noises from before, his hands holding Frank’s hips, rubbing little circles with his thumbs. Frank almost lost it just at that.

  
Then Gerard started doing something with his tongue that felt insane, and Frank started moaning profanely. Gerard seemed to take that as he was doing something right so he just kept going and it was too much and not enough all at once, and Gerard seemed to get that too because he looked up at Frank through his eyelashes. It was the most beautiful and most provocative thing Frank had ever seen and that was what made it just enough to send him over the edge. Gerard humming through it all, letting Frank ride it out in the best way possible.

  
Instead of helping Gerard up, Frank dropped to his knees as well, catching Gerard’s face between his hands. They kissed again, slow and gentle. The desperation and the need had subsided and now it was just them again. Alone and together. “I love you.” Frank whispered.

  
It was the best Frank had felt since being turned, because he wasn’t scared and Gerard wasn’t hurt, and they both felt fucking amazing, because not once, the entire time, did he feel the hunger. He was there, and present, and human. He felt human.

  
“The best,” Frank started, then just hugged Gerard, tucking his face into Gerard’s neck, breathing in the scent of his hair. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” And that wasn’t about sex, not at all. It was about love and trust and safety, and he knew that Gerard knew that. Because Frank, Frank was the best thing that ever happened to Gerard too.


End file.
